Before we dive into the familiar waters of stress and anxiety this year, I want to offer a gift: a chance to lighten our burdens and slow down during the holiday season.

The holidays can bring their own unique stress, depending on what we’re each facing personally. It’s easy to get caught up in the hustle and bustle, but I encourage you to resist the urge for perfectionism this season. Instead, I invite everyone to review the tips I’ve compiled and see how they can make a difference for you this holiday season.

Tip # 1 Compile and Grieve Unrealistic Expectations.

Getting rid of old holiday expectations can create space for new and more meaningful traditions. However, it can be painful to hold ourselves and others to standards that don’t fit our current situation. Examining the clash between our ideals and reality can free us from feelings of shame and disappointment while providing a path forward. Despite our hopes, our lives don’t magically transform because of the holiday season and we must keep in mind our limitations and the limitations of others.

Action Step:

Write down current expectations both within yourself and of others surrounding the holiday that create stress. Then, create boundaries surrounding these expectations that will create a better experience for you and your loved ones, or choose to eliminate the expectation altogether.

Tip # 2 Slow Down Often.

Trauma can be especially intense for many people during the holiday season, as this time often focuses on relationships and loss. For survivors of traumatic experiences, the holidays can trigger strong emotions and lead to maladaptive behaviors such as drinking, avoidance, and people-pleasing. Instead of trying to escape these memories, it is essential to approach them with compassion and care, allowing for the creation of new, positive experiences.

Action Step:

Create time just for you to slow down and engage with your surroundings intentionally, this can be a walk, hike, or spending time in your room alone. Decide if you like how you are responding to your emotions and make adjustments as needed. Remember this can be a great time to do something you want to do instead of trying to appease others.

Tip # 3 Give the Gift of Boundaries.

As mentioned earlier, the season of expectations tends to impact everyone. This can often mean being asked to give or do things that are outside of your comfort zone. As you reflect on how you might want to contribute, consider this framework from Nedra Glover Tawwab: helping (or giving) when you are able is a genuine contribution, while helping (or giving) when you are not is a burden.

Action Step:

Find ways to contribute without overextending yourself or your resources. This can include offering your time, sharing your skills, or simply showing up with a positive attitude. Those who appreciate you will value your efforts.

Remember, none of us are perfect and do not have perfect lives. It is up to us to create meaningful experiences with people that we like doing things we enjoy. I appreciate you and wish you do the best you can.